What do successful people do in the first 90 seconds of every relationship?

They communicate both respect and rapport through 20 different behaviors, which sends a message of competence in their abilities and concern for the person they are interacting with. When other people feel like they are dealing with someone who cares about them and is competent, then they will be less resistant or difficult. Instead, they are more open to be influenced. They listen more, trust more, become more cooperative and helpful.

 

So how are these successful people able to create this instant rapport? Through a blend of behaviors which we call the Secret Combination!

 

Here are 3 key behaviors you can start using immediately (both face-to-face and by phone) to instantly establish a positive, productive relationship with anyone you meet:

 

1. Use the person's name

at least three times during the conversation (beginning, middle and end). This is especially important to do if it's the first time you are meeting/speaking to them. This might seem insignificant and the truth is not many people do it, so it will set you apart from others.

 

Why is this behavior so important? Using the other person's name sends the message that you are friendly and interested in them which in turn makes them want to respond similarly. In this regard, your behavior is shaping their behavior. We call this the "Law of Reciprocity"^TM. It is the beginning of creating rapport between you and the other person.

 

2. Use Eye Contact

(OK, so it's not very effective over the phone.) In face-to-face interactions, using sustained eye contact sends the message that you are a confident individual, have nothing to hide, and are interested in the other person. The general guideline for this behavior is uninterrupted eye contact for 3-5 seconds.

 

You may be like a lot of people and hold eye contact for 1 to 2 seconds before breaking contact. Although this feels comfortable because it is a familiar pattern, it can make you appear unsure of yourself or disinterested in the other person.

 

Unfortunately, many of us don't hold eye contact long enough and don't even realize it or the negative effect it may have when meeting others. In many cultures when you do it, you send a very positive message about yourself and how you feel about the person with whom you are interacting. To practice, while speaking to someone, have them count out 5 seconds and you know what it feels like. Do this regularly until 3 to 5 seconds starts to feel normal.

 

3. Raise your Energy!!!

Why is this so important and how do you show it? Well, just imagine individuals who don't demonstrate energy when they meet you. They come across as disinterested or detached. The message that's sent is, "I'm bored", "You're wasting my time", which communicates, "I don't care about you". This might not be the message they intended, unfortunately, that is often what gets interpreted.

 

We find that successful people raise their energy into what we call the "zone of performance" which sends a much different message, "I'm glad to meet you", "I'm interested in you". This communicates "I'm looking forward to talking/working with you". And we all know how much more enjoyable it is to interact with someone like that!

 

Imagine an energy scale from 1-10 (1-2 very low, 3-4 low, 5-6 neutral, 7-8 the zone, 9-10 over the top). Most of us think we normally operate at a 7-8. In fact, many of us are operating at 5-6. This is what we call a gap in perception and is a missed opportunity! Being in the "zone of performance" is like being in a very positive mood. So how can you raise your energy to step into the zone? One simple way is to increase the volume of your voice by one level. Another idea, put a warm smile on your face.

 

Greet a few people at this higher level and you will see a positive reaction. Plus, energy is contagious, so watch it come back to you!

We recommend that you practice these behaviors in low stress situations, once a day for 5 minutes for at least one month, whether you are greeting a customer, salesperson or neighbor. You'll probably feel a bit uncomfortable at first. This is the price you'll pay in order to engage people in the first 90 seconds!

 

Remember: There's a gap between what we think we are doing and what we are actually doing. Through personalized coaching, we help people close that gap!