Language is never innocent. Part 1.

by Alain van Gils

One of my clients, whilst reading Fritjof Capra's Tao of Physics, mentioned the inability of the English language to adequately describe the quantum world around us.

 

“The instant you speak about a thing you miss the mark.”

(Well known Zen phrase: F. Capra, The Tao of Physics, p.42)

 

This is not only true in the quantum world. Communication in our world at large can be difficult too. Your state can only ever be felt by you and never comprehensively described to another, bear this in mind, choose your words purposefully.

We are well aware that for the majority of the time what is said by one is prone to be misunderstood by the other. What we say may not be what the listener hears (our words account for 14% and tone of voice accounts for 86% of what listeners hear in a phone conversation). In face to face communications what we say may not be what the listener notices (7% words, 38% tone of voice and 55% body language).

Language, as we know, has a great effect on us. When we hear a compliment or say our affirmations, or hear a speech that moves us, we can attest to the power of words.

There is also the research of Masura Emoto to note. The effect of language and intentions has a measurable effect on the coherence of water crystals as ice. As our bodies are predominantly water what is the effect of language on us?

In order to communicate effectively and clean up our language we can follow a few simple guidelines. It is enough at this stage to simply become aware of the points below. Become present each time you communicate and see what takes place. Remain free from reaction, merely notice what happens.

 

1. Be Present

Listen deeply and attentively. Refrain from jumping in. Listen.

2. We communicate best when we are not subject to negative self-talk.

This is the greatest prize we can award ourselves. We spend too much time perpetuating lies about ourselves, justifying our thoughts and actions, and making harsh judgements. This also presents itself as the mind movies we play (generally fixed in the past or future, neither of which exist now) and we get stuck again. We would not speak the way we speak to ourselves to our family and friends and colleagues, use clean language when you address yourself.

 

3. Drop the should and must, and silence the critic within.

'Shoulds' and 'Musts' only serve to create a guilty mindset and punishes and belittles us. Eliminating these words from your vocabulary will greatly improve self-esteem and confidence. Thinking happens to us. Much as our blood is oxygenated and our food is digested we think, it's automatic. The predominant thinker is the critic. Often our critical mind offers up approval and disapproval for us and others, rarely leaving us a moment to choose an alternate opinion, view or action. The critic is closely linked to the negative self-talker. Take a moment, a pause before you react to what is heard and what the critic replies with. Notice that you are in judgement, become present and consciously choose the response once you have considered all the facts and viewpoints.

 

4. Consider the yes or the no, and then mean it when you say it.

We have a habit of too quickly replying with a yes or a no. Often when we say yes too much we leave ourselves open to pleasing others. When we say no automatically, we have a tendency to cut ourselves off from opportunity and separate ourselves. The life you experience comes from your words thoughts and deeds, so choose the word that supports what you really want. Your word is your wand.

 

5. 'I'

Use 'I' when you are sharing your thoughts and feelings, this removes judgement and blame and allows you to speak your truth in a manner that is easy for the other party to hear and understand.

Notice the effect of your words and thoughts on yourself and the world you perceive around you. What happens? What changes for you?

I know this will go some way to creating better communication. In the next posting (Part 2) I will talk about specific words to avoid and certain word usage, and in the final post (Part 3) I will share some affirmations and switchwords.

 

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.” - Gautama Buddha

 

Love your light